Thirty

In a few days, I'll be thirty. I'm not going to lie and say I'm all cool with it. I'm really not. I figured it would be alright, just another number, but that is completely not how I really feel.

I'm scared. Don't misunderstand, I've accomplished a lot with my life, I'd like to think. I just keep thinking about the things I didn't accomplish. I didn't finish school, which has a direct effect on how much money I make. I know there's still time, but I had these lofty goals to reach by now.

College education, own a house, have 3 kids. None of which has turned out right. I'm blissfully happy with the two kids I have, but I always saw myself with 3. I'll be discussing that at a later date.

I sort of feel like a failure, in some ways. I'm not doing what I thought I'd be doing. I'm sure this feeling will pass, but not until after I hit the big 3-0.

I'm still here

It's been awhile, but I'm still hanging around. Been a bit busy and having trouble coming up with ideas. I have something in mind.

So, there's this song.

Surprise, surprise, it's by Dave Matthews.

Anyway, it's the song in Because of Winn-Dixie, and it's beautiful. The story is that he wrote it for his daughters.

I am not a lucky man...
I am not a lucky man...
You are like a butterfly
A caterpillar's dream to fly
So bust out of this old cocoon
And dry your wings off
Butterfly
Go ahead, and fly
It's always such a lonely loom
It's sudden like a broken bone
And your luck won't always come along
So dry your tears away
Butterfly
Go ahead and fly
Dry your tears away
Butterfly
Don't you, cry

Listmania

I like to make lists. Lists for everything. Things to clean, things to buy, places to go, things to do, things I want but will never get (like an Audi or the decorations for my dream house). I make lists for me and for the kids. They have a nifty morning/afternoon/night checklist up on the dry-erase board.

For instance, my to-do list for tomorrow is growing exponentially as I type. I look around or ponder for a second and three or four more things pop into my head to add to the list. Have a look:

Kids baths
Wash laundry
All trash out
Straighten up downstairs
Fully clean upstairs (tub, toilet, bedrooms, loft, etc.)
Sort through pc video games/take kids' games upstairs
Buy blank DVDs
Use said DVDs to backup pictures and music on pc
Call DHS
Buy milk
Fold/put away laundry
Vacuum up and down stairs
Go through "big box of clothes" in Helena's closet
Do dishes
Clean out cars

Heh, I'll think of more in the morning, I'm sure. The kicker is that about 1/2 of those will end up on Thursday's list, not because I failed to do it, but because it will need to be done again. Then again on Friday. Then every day after that, too.

Today is the day

It's Inauguration Day.

I've voted in three elections and twice I picked the guy who lost. I wanted Al Gore to win, was meh about Kerry, but he wasn't Bush, so I went for it. This time, though, was different. I didn't know who to vote for during the primaries. I considered voting for Hilary. I considered voting for Barack. I took a lot of time trying to decide on whose views were closer to mine. Then, Hilary cried. Yes, that's all it took. I realized that Hilary wasn't being herself, she was not staying true to her beliefs. I then decided to go all out for Barack. I voted for him in the Indiana primary. He did not win Indiana, which wasn't a surprise, though he did win the area we lived in, being next door to Chicago and all.

Then we moved and I had to absentee vote. Again, I confidently voted for Barack. And he won. I can't explain how sweetly happy I was on election night. He is the right person for the job. A person who would stand up and proclaim hope in these times deserves a chance to prove that he can do this.

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek. "
"There has never been anything false about hope."

It's time to make things right.

Snow, snow, more snow

It's snowing again. I love when the snow falls, it's so peaceful and quiet.

You walk into my days, love it gives me hope

This child makes every single day a little bit better. She's my light, my hope and my peanut.

"do you remember
when you were small just up to knees oh
how everything seemed so large...
...just take the time to wonder why
you're not so small now anymore"
-two step intro, 7.06.2001, dmb

On one hand and then again, on the other

My mom and I have an interesting relationship. I haven't seen her since 2002, we talk on the phone, I sent pics. That's about it. We don't have a typical mother-daughter thing. So, last year she called me and told me that they'd found a tumor behind her right eye. Knowing my mom as I do, I was a wee bit doubtful. Which in turn, brought out a whole bunch of guilt. She made me promise to not tell my grandmother and apologized for years of wrongs. Now, don't get me wrong I love my mom, but sorry's not gonna do it.

We moved to the area my mom grew up in this autumn, and she and I talked and it seemed as though she'd be moving here. Well, no. Instead, she's moved to the Houston area because there's a cancer clinic there. Because, you know, there aren't any cancer clinics around here or anything.

So, this is something I'm taking as a mixed blessing. I'm glad to not have my mom close because we'd probably end up killing each other within a month, but on the other hand... it'd be nice for my kids to get to know her.

Shake your booty

You might need to crank the volume to hear Ollie's "shake your booty" song.
I took this off of the camera, so the quality is iffy, but it's damn funny stuff.

God, I love this kid

I am so happy to be this boy's momma. He's a sweet, cuddly little man.

Sometimes the news just isn't

How on earth can this be news? Lack of sleep "raises cold risk"

Isn't this a generally known fact? I can vividly remember being told by my mother that if I didn't get enough sleep, I'd get sick.

I'm wondering how much money Carnegie Mellon spent on this research.

The best things in life

They may not all be free, but these are the things that make me happiest.

my daughter's giggle, my son's hugs, my husband's smile, hanging out with my sisters, tickling my nephew, payday, diet pepsi, coffee, fettuccini alfredo from the olive garden (along with an alfredo boat for the breadsticks), pizza hut's pan pizza crust, driving, cranking the music way up, warm breezes on chilly days and cool breezes on warm days, sunshowers, hugging my dad, fresh clothes out of the dryer, that "I just cleaned the entire house" feeling, freshly bathed kids, cherry shakes from dq, paying the bills, steak n shake's frisco melts, dates with my husband, the smell of fresh cut grass, not needing to use the heaters or ac's, playing video games with ollie, cuddling with helena, making matt really laugh, having a place of our own, having 3 bedrooms in said place, my own washer and dryer, knowing i have people who will accept me no matter what, friendships that have lasted the years, new friendships, my kids' baby pictures, knowing my grandfather is watching us from up above, going to church with the kids, dmb's music, good music in general, the sound of an acoustic guitar, going to concerts, adam sandler movies, that first cup of coffee in the morning, the fact that my kids are happy and healthy, having a good relationship with my inlaws, peanut m&ms, harry potter books & movies, reading, watching movies with my family, rearranging furniture, getting all of the clean clothes put away, not needing to go up 3 flights of stairs to get to our place, our car, being in love, creamy nutmeg air freshener, getting a deal, 10% off most things at work, 20% off clothes, having a job in this economy, being able to speak my mind, Obama's presidency, being relatively healthy, having people i can always turn to and trust, being able to learn and grow.

Fun with photos

This site is just too much fun to play around with.

Just came across this

I found this picture of Ollie hidden in my camera today. It's from August. He looks so sweet, hard to think that 4 months later, he'd be kicking my ass with Wii nunchuks and telling me to "Go away! Get out of here!"

Exciting first entry.

First entries are always so exciting. Time to get the preliminary stuff out of the way.

I'm Jenna, I'm a wife, mom, sister, aunt, daughter, etc.

I'm almost 30, as it gets closer, I'm becoming more okay with it. I have two kids, Helena is 7 and Ollie is 5. I suspect a lot of my writings will be about them. Matthew is my husband of 7.5 years and we just moved from the Chicago area to the Peoria area. Change, much?

I work at K-Mart part-full time. It's, well, let's say interesting. I have two sisters whom I consider my best friends. One used-to-be step-brother who's kids I consider my nieces and nephews. Counting them, I have 5 nieces and nephews. I also have one sister-in-law and a very cool mother-in-law.

I've no family where we live now. Well, that's not exactly true, my mother's family is around here, but we've never been close, so it's a stretch. My pops lives in Indiana and mom's in Texas.

I play video games and listen to more music than is probably healthy (see here). I love Dave Matthews Band, the Chicago Cubs, the West Wing and Adam Sandler movies.

I smoke cigarettes and don't eat enough. Consume entirely too much caffeine and sometimes slack off on my household duties.

From my lovely blog you can expect photos, my insane commentary on all things from music to tv to politics and religion. Plus tons of inane rambling that will make your eyes bleed. So, let's do this.